Redemolished (The Alfred Bester Library) by Alfred Bester

Author:Alfred Bester [Bester, Alfred]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 0743407253
Publisher: IBOOKS
Published: 2014-04-29T00:00:00+00:00

Feeling much better, the Professor returned to the Big Red Schoolhouse to prepare his first lecture on the New Math. "Zero," he said to himself. "One. Ten. Eleven. One hundred. One hundred and one. He was counting in binary arithmetic.

Meanwhile, James James Morrison Morrison had finished his lunch (chicken salad, 1 slice bread w. butter, applesauce and milk) and was upstairs in his cot theoretically having a nap, actually in drowsy conversation with the Princess, who had made herself comfortable on his chest.

"I do love you," James said, "but you take me for granted. All you women are alike."

"That's because you love everything, James."

"Shouldn't everybody?"

"Certainly not. Everybody should love me, of course, but not everything. It reduces my rank."

"Princess, are you really a Burmese Princess?"

"I thought you said you loved me."

"But I happen to know you were born in Brooklyn."

"Politics, James, politics. Daddy, who was also an admiral, was forced to flee at a moment's notice. He barely had time to throw a few rubies into a flight bag and then came to Brooklyn."

"Why Brooklyn?"

"The plane was hijacked."

"What's a ruby?"

"Ask your Professor," the Princess snapped.

"Ah-ha! Jealous. Jealous. I knew I'd get you."

"Now who's taking who for granted?"

"Me. Shift up to my neck, Princess. I can't breathe."

"You are a male chauvinist pig," the Princess said as she obliged. I'm merely your sex symbol."

"Say, why don't you join Miss Leghorn's Chickens' Lib movement?"

"Me, sir? What have I to do with chickens?"

"I notice you did all right with my chicken salad. Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. I saw you up on the table when mamma was loading the dishwasher. I thought the mayonnaise was awful."

"Commercial."

"Can't you teach mamma how to make homemade mayo?"

"Me, sir? What have I to do with kitchens? I leave that to the help."

"Ah-ha! Gotcha again."

"I hate you," the Princess said. "I loathe and execrate you."

"You love me," James James said comfortably. "You love me and you're stuck with me. I've got you in my power."

"Are there any cats in the Red Barn?"

"No," James laughed. "You're the one and only Princess on Red Hill."

There was an outlandish noise outside, a snarling and screaming in creature voices.

"What's that?" James exclaimed.

The Princess got to the window in a scamper and returned. "Just a couple of farm dogs playing with George Woodchuck," she reported lazily. "Now, as we were saying about me—"

"Playing? That doesn't sound like playing to me. I'd better see for myself."

"James, you know you can't walk."

"I'm damn well going to walk now."

James James hove himself ever the edge of the cot and fell to the floor. He gripped the edge of the bed and pulled himself upright. Then he tottered to the window.

"They aren't playing with George. He's in bad trouble."

James made his way out of the room, clutching at walls and door frames, managed the stairs by sitting down on every tread, butted the screen door open with his head, and was out on the soft meadow, trotting, tottering, falling, picking himself up, and driving himself toward the Peerless Surveyor who was being torn by two savage mongrels.

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